Navigating the world with my inter-racial, inter-cultural family
When I am wronged it’s not the apology I am looking for. I never force my kids to say, “I’m sorry.” There’s nothing more that pushes my buttons than when someone says, “I’m sorry.” in an off-handed, obligatory way.
What I need and I think our society craves is the part that follows the apology; the part we often forget to say, or even think of when we’ve wronged someone. It’s the part that says, “what can I do to make it better.” And the part that comes after that, doing something to make it better.
How different would the world look if first we apologized for our wrongdoings and then we took the next step to do something to fix it? Do you have any thoughts about how to make it better?
I am a white woman, mother of two, married to a man from the Eastern Caribbean. I work to understand my whiteness everyday; and though I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I hope you find substance in my writing. I welcome your comments.
Kristen
October 8th, 2008 at 8:45 pm
Hi, Elizabeth. It’s the Kristen from My Crazy Sexy Life. I wanted to check out your blog. I am so glad I did. Have you heard of Gary Chapman? He wrote “The Five Love Languages”. He also has a book or at least a theory about one’s apology language. I thought you might be interested because according to him, people have different apology languages. It sounds like you are describing yours!