Navigating the world with my inter-racial, inter-cultural family
playing slaves
23Jan2009 Filed under: Family, Parenting, Racial identity, Uncategorized Author: Elizabeth“Let’s play slaves,” my oldest said to my youngest. I could hear them in the other room.
“I’ll be the slave and you be my owner.” she said to her.
I interjected from the other room (trying to be casual). “What are slaves?” I asked.
“A long time ago black people were taken and owned by white people. The white people made them work for them.”
“Where did you hear that?” I asked.
“At school, we learned about it today at school.” She said.
“And how do you feel about that?” I asked. She looked at me with a blank, yet uncomfortable stare. I reiterated, “How do you feel about white people owning black people, and I am white?”
“It’s O.K. Mom. It happened a long time ago. You’re white, but Daddy’s black, and you love him. There are three black people living in our house, and you’re just one white person. It happened a long time ago Mom, slavery is over now.” Then she proceeded to tell me a very 1st grade version of a lady who was tired and didn’t want to sit in the back of the bus… and there was this man (MLK) who helped stand up for her rights.
And that was that. My baby is no longer a “virgin”. She now knows what sets her apart. That was yesterday and then tonight I heard her muttering something about slavery to herself as we sat down to dinner. She’s processing it all, in her six year old mind. I feel helpless, and I know too that this is her path. I have no control over her process, her lessons, her life.
And I know that “every little thing is gonna to be alright”*.
*Bob Marley -Three Little Birds.
10 Responses to “playing slaves”
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About this blog
I am a white woman, mother of two, married to a man from the Eastern Caribbean. I work to understand my whiteness everyday; and though I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I hope you find substance in my writing. I welcome your comments.
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Zen
January 24th, 2009 at 2:51 am
How nice they can live in a time just to play slaves…isn’t
ARP Link at Anti-Racist Parent - for parents committed to raising children with an anti-racist outlook
January 27th, 2009 at 11:13 am
[...] “And how do you feel about that?” I asked. She looked at me with a blank, yet uncomfortable stare. I reiterated, “How do you feel about white people owning black people, and I am white?” Read more… [...]
Fusion
January 27th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
Two weeks ago, my son (Puerto Rican, 2nd grade) said to me (white) that “if it wasn’t for Martin Luther King, you couldn’t be my daddy.” He also said “it is weird that white people and black people couldn’t be friends.” He, at least, grasped that it isn’t true now, but I know there are more lessons to learn and hope we can do our best to maintain his self-esteem and pride in his culture.
Balanced Melting Pot
January 27th, 2009 at 8:13 pm
I think you handled that the best you could. I have no idea what I would have done if my six year-old said the same thing. I probably would have overreacted and turned it into something more traumatic than need be. In any case, it’s true that whether we are ready or not, they are going to learn about these things and it is all about the way they are able to process the information that will turn it into a negative or a positive.
Lyonside
January 28th, 2009 at 3:50 pm
Hi – here from ARP. I haven’t experienced this yet (my daughter is 2), but I’m sure something like this is going to happen eventually. I think you handled this really well, and I hope I don’t overreact when it’s my turn to deal with this in my house.
When I was that age, I played a weird mix of house and hide and seek that incorporated slavery. The Jewish kid next door and I would be house slaves to an imaginary master; we’d poison the food, and then run away and hide for the rest of the game. Just like your daughter, I think I was trying to process everything I’d read and heard (and seen – not sure about the wisdom of showing a 5 year old “Roots.” Thanks, Mom!)
Shirl
January 30th, 2009 at 2:28 am
Do you wish you could just get into her little 6 year old mind? That’s how I always feel when my daughters 9 & 10 bring situations home. We talk very openly and they express themselves well, but I just wish I could read their little minds and remember what it was like to be that age. Too long ago I guess!
cocolamala
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I think that you do have some control over your children’s lessons. It is important to supplement what they learn about American History from school with you and your husband’s perspective about history and what civil rights means. It is the same way you combat stereotypes in media by teaching your children not to uncritically accept negative images of themselves in cartoons and on televsion shows. My mother would watch tv with me and say “you know that’s not true, right” when the cannibal character would appear on Bugs Bunny. When you have minority children, you do have to supplement the mainstream story, by filling in facts and details that get left out. There are definitely gaps, and incomplete truths in the fairy tale versions of history. How would a native american child in elementary school feel, learning about Thanksgiving in public school? They are probably learning a different message at home. They need to understand that their identity is best taught to them by their parents, and not by a teacher who may not be invested in developing them as completely as you are.
cocolamala
February 2nd, 2009 at 10:59 pm
I don’t mean you should be graphic, tailor the message for their age and ability to understand. But you are able to highlight or stress themes that you and your husband believe are important for them understand, regardless of what is taught to them in school.
There is very little black history taught in school. It is marginal compared to the amount of US history that involves no black actors. Without your efforts to supplement their education its easy to grow up without believing black people contributed much to US society. That can impact their self esteem. They need to learn that black history doesn’t begin with slavery and end with civil rights, Rosa Parks. The End. Enough of Black history month. On to March.
Toby
February 4th, 2009 at 7:55 pm
Depending on the age of your school age child it certainly is OK to tell them that slavery used to be a world wide reality and not just a phenomenon in America. In fact a number of African and Muslim states practiced slavery as late as the mid twentieth century.
High School and college students would benefit from reading a book called: the Slave Trade by Hugh Thomas.
RW
February 11th, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Actually, slavery and slavery-in-all-but-name is thriving, even in the United States in the 21st century. See http://www.antislavery.org/homepage/antislavery/modern.htm