I could not have said it better.

Contrary to what many believe being in an interracial relationship does not, by itself, magically make you anti racist or race conscious. It does not make you colorblind (nor is that desirable). In reality, when you are in an interracial relationship it is even more important to constantly examine yourself, your actions, and your beliefs. In an interracial relationship it can be even harder to be race conscious, because you have to be able to separate your interpersonal relationship from society’s race realities.  for more visit Anti-Racist Parent.com

In the beginning of my relationship with my husband I would say this sentiment prevailed.  In fact I thought a lot about race, his race and race relations, in the beginning.  Some days I would obsess over it.  I became keenly aware that I was on public display.  I projected the idea that I was somehow under a microscope, that everyone was watching us, and when our kids arrived, especially them.  I spent time playing out their possible thoughts in my mind.

Are they together?  He’s really dark?  Is he from Africa?  Do those kids belong to her?  Is this just a lust thing?  Why is he with her?  People starred, and looked away.  When I caught their gaze I filled in the gaps.  I let my mind wander, was I setting the right example?  Was I behaving like the perfect anti-racist?  I put a lot of pressure on myself, censuring my words, and even my thoughts.

There was a time, when I first moved back to the US after living overseas for many years, that I did not feel comfortable in rooms or crowds of white people.  Spilling over from my time living in the Caribbean I gravitated toward brown faces.  I cannot explain why it was more comfortable to me, it just was.

Then I went through a time when I felt weird without my inter-racial identity.  When I’d go to the store and the same black cashier who was so friendly to my children and me last week didn’t even notice me the next.  Who was I if I didn’t have this badge on my arm that said, “no really, I am not a racist, see!”

Then there was this time, maybe I am still in it a bit, when I felt conflicted about hanging out with other interracial couples.  Sometimes I would wonder, am I perpetuating the belief that ‘we all stick together’?  My daughter’s third birthday party was Sunday, with the exception of one Latino family, we were all interracial families.  Well, except for my one single friend (in case she’s reading this), who doesn’t have children, she’s black.  I looked around at the beautiful group and appreciated the rarity of such a gathering, my family’s intimate group, a mix of colors, cultures and races: African, Caribbean, Japanese, Jewish, Mexican, and English.

Somewhere along the line my preoccupation with getting it right, and being the perfect anti-racist ceased to prevail in my mind.  A couple of years ago I stopped wondering and then eventually I stopped caring so much.   Now much of what bothered me, has become barely noticeable.  Thank God for maturity, wisdom and expereience!  I was soon able to blur the line between my racial thoughts and my relationship thoughts.  Somewhere I along the way I got comfortable enough with myself to stop caring so much.