Navigating the world with my inter-racial, inter-cultural family
Imagine this, it’s been about 20 minutes since school has let out and my daughter is playing on the monkey bars with some friends as I watch. There are four of them. A man approaches and with a friendly gesture says, “is that one yours?” pointing to the blonde boy not playing with my daughter.
“No, that one is,” I say, pointing to my brown-skinned girl as she gracefully skips bars showing off her skills.
“Oh,” he says. “That could have been me. I pretty much only dated black women my whole life. I’m from Pasedena. I’m not sure how I ended up with a white woman, but I did.” He then proceeds to explain in full detail about how he met his wife.
Meanwhile I am drowning out his nostalgia with my own thoughts, as I pause to remember this You Tube video I saw a few months before where this woman preaches her ideas of traditional marriage, breaking up couples that don’t exemplify her idea of a “straight marriage”. She includes inter-racial couples and there is this scene where she says it “bothers” her to think about the inter-racial couple having, as she gestures with her hands, implying sex.
For some reason his comment sort of brought me to this place of remembering the woman’s gestures. How is he seeing me right now as he babbles on about nothing really? Why do I remind him of the fact that he doesn’t have inter-racial children? When he looks at me, and my inter-racial family, is he immediately reminded of sex? I know that children are, on some level, living reminders that couples have sex. Do you suppose that inter-racial families serve as an even greater reminder that couples have sex, and that people go there in their minds, imagining us doing it?? Well, I suppose they do. So I am happy to report that yes it is true, we are happily married and have sex. We have even made babies… twice.
Imagine that?
I am a white woman, mother of two, married to a man from the Eastern Caribbean. I work to understand my whiteness everyday; and though I am a bit of a Pollyanna, I hope you find substance in my writing. I welcome your comments.
Chocolate, Vanilla and Caramel
August 31st, 2009 at 5:27 pm
Thanks for leaving such a nice comment on my blog! I really enjoyed reading your blog. Best wishes on the school thing. It’s hard. We started homeschooling this year because I just didn’t find any great options that we could afford. I’m not sure if we will continue — just taking it one year at a time. But it really is hard to sort through academics, diversity, etc. Good luck!
Laura
August 31st, 2009 at 7:05 pm
I have seen this. I don’t think someone watching can understand how scary it is until you are one of the couples that has been targeted.
True story-
My boss came to me all flustered after the first vote in CA where the public voted to not allow gay marriage. He was furious that a judge had ‘went against the will of the people’ and over turned it. This was right before the Prop 8 decision.
He said to me, “This is what the people wanted. One man doesn’t have the right to make that decision when everyone wanted something else.”
Sooo…I mentioned that in 1948, when the California Supreme Court abolished all bans on interracial marriage, 90% of Californians were against it. In 1967, when the US Supreme Court abolished all bans on IR marriage, 70% of US citizens were against IR marriage.
I looked him in the eye and asked, “Maybe they should have just gone with what the people wanted.”
Obviously, he knows I am in an IR marriage. He muttered “That’s different.”
The same reasons were used to condem IR marriage as are used now against gay marriage.
You can not be a supporter of anything. I assume more people than I would care to know talk badly about my family behind my back. But your chosen beliefs cannot be used to keep civil rights away from US citizens.
ze
September 2nd, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Excellent post and vid!
temple
September 3rd, 2009 at 1:26 am
The vid is funny & ridiculous. What’s not funny, but is ridiculous, are the real-life words and actions of some people today. Several months ago an interracial couple (newly married) was murdered in their home by 4 men–one of whom knew the husband.
That guy at the play area wanted to relive his single days.
Shirl
September 14th, 2009 at 12:33 am
So glad to see you back! Great post, I go back and forth between irritation and humor when similar situations present themselves to me. I swear every time my husband and I go to a restaurant we still get asked if we need separate checks, like we are co-workers or something!
“…it was pretty racist, don’t you think?” | My ONE LOVE life
September 16th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
[...] now asking me about my journey into how this child arrived in my life? This was no longer about “Mr. Pasedena.” This is about a painful period of time where perhaps I wanted children and couldn’t conceive [...]